Codependent
by SpookyChild
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are totally Not Dating. Too bad no one believes them.
1. Bad Idea

**Codependent**

A _Glee _Fanfiction (_in which Kurt and Blaine are Definitely Not Dating, if anyone asks_) by SpookyChild

* * *

"I don't think this is a good idea," Kurt said, nervously. The whole plan just seemed stupid to him. And yeah, sure, Blaine wasn't scrawny, but he wasn't very _built_, either.

"Nonsense, it'll be spectacular. Have a little faith in me." Blaine replied, crossing his not-scrawny-but-not-built arms across his chest. Blaine was the type of guy who always Got His Way, and Kurt was a little afraid he wouldn't be able to talk him out of this one.

"_No_, Blaine, this is stupid. With a capital S, and maybe a few exclamation marks at the end of it. And it's written in flashing red lights."

"Give me one good reason why it's so stupid."

"I'm heavier than I look?" Kurt tried. Blaine simply shook his head at him.

"Try again."

"I'm taller than you." Kurt seemed a little more convinced about this, and expressed his point by bouncing up on his toes and smirking down at the shorter boy. Blaine took this into consideration before dismissing it.

"Two down, not good enough," Blaine said, airily. Kurt sighed. "Besides," Blaine continued. "This will help me practice for when I carry my future husband across the threshold."

"Blaine, we're not married. We're not even dating. And this isn't your future house, this is the practice room. We've been here, like, a million times."

"Chicken." Blaine replied. Kurt frowned at him.

"If you mess up my hair, I'm throwing you in the dumpster."

* * *

Wes and David looked up from their Pokémon cards to the sound of Blaine crashing through the practice room door, carrying Kurt and seemingly trying not to die at the same time. Kurt looked oddly prim and proper in Blaine's arms, although he did look a bit worried, and kept frantically smoothing his hair down.

"Dude, did Blaine and Kurt get married?" David whispered furtively, not able to take his eyes off of the disaster in front of them. Blaine looked like he was about to have a heart attack, but was adamantly refusing to put Kurt down. Instead, he proceeded to carry him around the room, knocking books and lamps off of the tables and complaining loudly about how Kurt's hips were 'pointy and not very nice at all'.

Wes frowned at him and smacked him over the head with his gavel. "They're not even _dating_, stupid."

David grumbled and rubbed the back of his head. "Since when? They're always texting and talking on the phone and giving each other piggyback rides across campus. They even make each other friendship bracelets. One time, I swear I saw Blaine wearing a shirt with Kurt's face on it."

"So I didn't imagine that?" Wes asked, tilting his head in confusion. Across the room, Kurt was getting increasingly hysterical, and his voice was nearly at the decimal that only dogs could hear as he screamed at Blaine to 'put him down this very instant', because his bangs were getting messed up or something.

"I think we need to leave soon, before they start hitting each other." David stated.

"Or making out." Wes replied.

"Or singing."

"Or they try to give us friendship bracelets again." Wes and David shared a look of understanding before grabbing their Pokémon cards, with Wes trying to stuff as many of David's holographic first editions in his pockets as he could. At this point, Blaine had dropped Kurt on the ground, and when he tried to pick him back up, Kurt had accidentally kneed him in the groin. Wes and David raced out of the room while Kurt made soothing noises at a doubled-over Blaine, repeatedly asking if he wanted him to 'kiss it to make it better'.

"Where did they run off to so fast?" Blaine asked a few minutes later, finally catching his breath as most of the pain subsided. Kurt shrugged.

"You know those two, they're all weird and codependent." He answered. Blaine nodded sagely. "Now," Kurt continued, wiggling his fingers and making frantic grabby-motions in Blaine's face. "Carry me down to the coffee shop so that we can get lattes. And try not to drop me this time."

"Only if you promise to get non-fat milk. And split a heart-shaped cookie with me."

"Deal."

* * *

(**A/N**)

This is my first foray into _Glee _territory, and I hope it doesn't suck too much. I also may or may not make this into a series, if anyone is interested, and if I... you know... stop being lame and actually write.


	2. Happy Ending

**Codependent**

A _Glee _Fanfiction (_in which Kurt and Blaine are Definitely Not Dating, if anyone asks_) by SpookyChild

* * *

"Oh, Blaine. That feels so good. Don't stop."

Finn paused on his way up the stairs. There were funny noises coming from Kurt's room. That in itself wasn't unusual, but usually it was because Kurt would be watching _Friends _or listening to Lady Gaga or something gay like that (even though Finn didn't have a problem with gay people, because Kurt was his stepbrother, and there were always crêpes and Brie cheese in the refrigerator and Finn liked that stuff, so he thought maybe he was a little bit gay too), but the noises coming from his room didn't sound like any of those things. They sounded like... moaning. Kurt was moaning.

Finn then remembered that Blaine's car had been out in the driveway, and Burt had specifically told Kurt that he had to leave the door open when Blaine was over. That kind of made Finn mad, because Kurt was always getting away with stuff and Finn was always getting in trouble for no reason, and it wasn't fair. Just because Kurt was the baby and got good grades and did housework and was a pleasure to be around didn't mean that he could just get away with breaking the rules all the time.

It also made Finn worried. Kurt was his stepbrother, and Finn had to protect him from a lot of stuff, and Blaine couldn't just be barging into their house whenever he wanted to and start making Kurt moan. It just wasn't cool.

But above all else, Finn was mostly confused. Which was normal. But Finn was _really_ confused, because Kurt had always been adamant about the fact that he and Blaine were definitely Not Dating, but now, it kind of sounded like they were.

"Blaine. Oh god, _Blaine_. Right there, don't stop. Oh! Harder!"

Finn clenched his fists together. That was the last curly straw. He squeezed his eyes shut (because he totally didn't want to see any gay sex, even if he was cool with Kurt and crêpes and Brie were delicious), and barged into Kurt's room.

"_Get the hell off of my brother!_" Finn cried, waving his arms frantically in the doorway. He waited for a good two minutes, and when he was met by silence, Finn cracked one of his eyes open.

Blaine was kneeling behind Kurt on the bed, both of them fully dressed (which made Finn feel a lot better, but then it made him feel a lot worse), and Blaine's hands were kneading Kurt's neck and shoulders. Kurt, for his part, looked blissed out and content, and moaned again when Blaine began to work out another knot in his shoulder. He didn't even look mad when he opened his eyes to focus on Finn still standing in the doorway.

"What's wrong, Finn?" Kurt asked, and then rolled his head around and groaned. "_Oh_, Blaine, right there."

"I just thought..." Finn trailed off, and then frowned. This was still kind of sexy. "What are you guys doing?"

"Massaging," Blaine said, simply, like it was perfectly normal to have a guy under him, moaning like a porn star. But then again, Finn didn't know Blaine too well, so maybe he was a sex shark like Puck. Or a sex dolphin.

"Blaine has _magical _fingers, Finn," Kurt murmured, twisting his head around a little to give Blaine a sappy grin. Blaine returned it. "He could do you too, if you ask him nicely."

"Yeah, Finn!" Blaine said brightly, ignoring the way Kurt began to arch into his touch and moan louder. "Anytime you want, although you are pretty tall, so you might have to lay down while I sit on you..."

"Nah, it's okay," Finn answered hurriedly, taking a few backwards steps out of the room. "I'm just going to... yeah. Go now. Kurt, dude, you'd better leave your door open, so Burt doesn't have another heart attack when he comes home." Finn paused, and his face scrunched up. "And you should probably take your hair out of those pigtails."

"But I like his pigtails," Blaine cooed, running his hands over Kurt's weird hairstyle. Kurt practically started _purring_.

"Alright. Going now," Finn stuttered. He turned and practically ran down the stairs, trying to ignore Blaine's voice telling Kurt that it was 'time for his happy ending'.

Blaine was definitely a sex dolphin.


	3. Prom Night

**Codependent**

A _Glee _Fanfiction (_in which Kurt and Blaine are Definitely Not Dating, if anyone asks_) by SpookyChild

**Warnings:** Slight spoilers for Kurt's prom outfit.

* * *

"I- Kurt, it's too tight, it's not going to- _ah!_"

"Just... _ah_... just stay still for a minute, alright? Stop squirming!"

In all honesty, Burt Hummel didn't really have a problem with Blaine. Blaine was a nice kid. A little weird, and way too short, but he was nice. He liked football and got good grades and always complimented Carole's cooking, and Kurt was happier when he was around, and Burt liked it when his son was happy.

However, Burt _did_ have a problem with the noises coming from his son's bedroom.

"Blaine, you need to- _ow!_ Just stop moving! Jesus, you're going to rip something..."

"Kurt, it's not _fitting!_ I- I think I'm stuck!"

If Burt had known that this would happen, he would have never waved Blaine up the stairs when the boy had shown up nearly a half hour ago, clutching a corsage to his tuxedo-ed chest and looking like someone had just run over his puppy. But Carole had been in a frenzy because she couldn't find her camera, and Finn and his girlfriend of the week (Quinn?) were arguing because the corsage Finn had bought didn't match Quinn's dress or something, and Burt was mostly worried about whether anyone would notice him sneaking another beer.

That was before he had gone up to tell Kurt and his Definitely-Not-But-Yeah-Pretty-Much boyfriend to get the hell downstairs so that Carole could take a stupid picture of them and felt like he had just walked into a Skinemax movie.

Prom night or not, Kurt was being _all types_ of inappropriate right now.

"-Blaine, calm down. Take a deep breath. We're going to figure this out."

"It's just- I wanted everything to be perfect tonight, and now, I can't even get all the way in-"

"_Ow!_ Blaine, I told you to stop moving!"

Burt wasn't stupid. He watched _Brokeback Mountain_, and he would be damned if he was going to let anyone disrespect his son like this in his own home.

"Just what the _hell_ is going on in here?" Burt roared, throwing the door open in his blind fury. Kurt was kneeling in front of Blaine and seemed to be fiddling with something on the other boy's pants, and at the sound of his father's furious voice, he peaked out from around Blaine's legs and... looked relieved?

"Dad!" Kurt cried, a pleased smile on his face. "Do we have any Vaseline?"

Burt sputtered for a moment. Neither boys were undressed (except for Blaine, who's pants were halfway up his hips, and Burt definitely did not want to know that he wore pink boxers), but that didn't stop this from being possibly the weirdest experience of Burt's life.

"What... what do you need Vaseline for?" He asked, nervously. Kurt gave a long suffering sigh and glared at Blaine for a minute, who at least had the decency to look sheepish.

"Blaine spilled ranch dressing all over his tuxedo pants," he explained. "I have a pair of dress pants that would work, but they're a little too tight on him."

"A _little_ too tight?" Blaine scoffed. "Kurt, I can't even feel my peni-"

"Honestly Blaine, it's all those biscotti you keep shoveling in your face. And I thought _I_ had pear hips."

"How dare you," Blaine replied, his bottom lip quivering. Burt felt like he was in an episode of Candid Camera. "You know how I can't resist biscotti. And you don't have pear hips. Pears are _soft_. Your hips are always poking me." Kurt gave a cry of outrage, and Burt decided it was time to say something.

"What did I tell you about keeping your door open when Blaine's here?" Burt demanded, trying in vain to ignore the squabbling sissy fight in front of him. Honestly, for two boys who kept saying they weren't dating, they sure did act like an old married couple sometimes. The argument abruptly ended and Kurt sent his dad an incredulous look.

"Because Blaine barely has pants on, Dad." He explained slowly, and Burt hated the way his son made him feel like a child sometimes. "He's very shy. What if Carole had come up the stairs and saw him in his underwear?"

"I'm looking at his underwear right now, how do you think that makes me feel?" Burt huffed. Blaine's face flushed to match his boxers, and he scooted behind Kurt to hide himself. Kurt sighed.

"Now you made him feel awkward, Dad."

"Oh, well, _excuse_ me," Burt snapped, narrowing his eyes at the two boys in front of him. "I want you both downstairs in five minutes. You," He said, pointing a finger at Blaine, "get your damn pants on. And you," He then turned his eyes to his son, as if taking in his appearance for the first time. "Are you wearing a _skirt?_"

Kurt looked indignant. "It's a _kilt_, Dad."

"It's very pretty," Blaine piped up, and the two boys shared a look that Burt never understood, but it never failed to piss him off.

"Whatever," Burt sighed, deciding not to fight it anymore. "Five minutes. And keep this door open." He then turned and stalked out into the hallway, pausing on the landing to make sure that they listened to him.

"I think I know what the problem is, Blaine. Your underwear keeps getting in the way. You're going to have to take them off."

"You always have the best ideas."

Burt frowned and stomped his way down the stairs. After prom, Kurt was never leaving the house again.


End file.
